


This is to Let You Know

by Agent Loki (ThePerfectPrincess)



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Anger, Anorexia, Boy anorexia, Brother-Sister Relationships, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Epistolary, Original Character Death(s), Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-05-19 19:04:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5977804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePerfectPrincess/pseuds/Agent%20Loki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After battling with bullies for all his high school life, the fight has taken a toll on Elijah and he decides to take matters into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, this is my second work, and again it was written as a prepared pieces for my GCSE Controlled Assessment in English Language... I was really proud of it, though, so I thought I'd post it on here, hopefully to spread the message I want to convey further that I thought I could initially when the was a wee little idea blossoming in my mind at first. Please tell me what you think, all constructive criticism is really appreciated!

Dear Lily,  
It’s been two weeks.  
Two weeks, not a single visit.  
Your _beloved_ brother,  
Elijah.


	2. Chapter 2

~~Dear~~ Lily,  
Thank you _so_ much for worrying about me to the extent where you come to check up on me. To see if I’m okay.  
Elijah.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Lily,  
It’s been three weeks now.  
It’s your fault I’m in here, you should be the one trying to get me out. And yet, you’re the one who never comes to see me.   
To see what you’re putting me through.  
Elijah.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Lily,  
I presume mum and dad have told you what’s “wrong” with me.  
I also presume that you believe them - that your brother is sickly and mentally just not ‘right’.  
I bet that’s why you’ve not come. You don’t want to see your older brother - the person you should be able to look up to - so weak and helpless.  
I still love you regardless,  
Elijah.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Lily,  
They finally sat me down to talk about my “problems”, and decided to finally break it to me that I’ve supposedly got an eating disorder. “Anorexia nervosa”.  
They kept firing off symptoms I was displaying, reasons they could tell something was wrong with me, the tell-tale signs that worried you and sent you running to mum and dad. The signs that got me locked up in here for a supposed disorder that I know I don’t have.  
Why won’t they believe me when I tell them that I’m perfectly fine? They just give me that infuriating look and rattle off a list of those supposed symptoms over and over again as though just repeating them will somehow 'cure' me. They're branded into my subconsciousness now, a constant refrain consuming all other thoughts;  
Hyperactivity,   
Anxiety,  
Abnormal food preoccupations,   
Distorted body image,   
Clinical depression.   
Just some of the psychological manifestations that apparently indicate that I have this despicable thing. And that’s only the half of it. There’s also the sallow skin, the fainting, the anaemia, the fatigue. The health implications of it, the proof that even when I try to be better for others, I’ll never be good enough.  
Elijah.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Lily,  
I need your help, Lils. I need you to help me get out of here. But you won’t. You can’t even visit, let alone help me get out, to get back to some semblance of normality.  
You’ve no idea how torturous it is in here, sis. They’re constantly poking and prodding me to eat, to get better, when all I want to do is to sleep and forget about this nightmare I’m being forced to live.  
But what exactly do they mean by _better_? They’re trying to fatten me up, keep me ugly and just completely unwanted. I’ve never been good enough, not to mum or dad, not to any friends, not to anyone.   
I thought I was at least loved by you, sis, but I don’t even know about that anymore, seeing as you’re too ashamed to come and see your _sick_ brother.  
I need you, Lily. I need my little sister.  
Please come back,  
Elijah.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Lily,  
I’ve realised that the only person who can get me out of here is myself. And that the only way to get out of here is to “get better”.   
When I ask them how long I’d be trapped here, they all give me these disgusting looks that make me feel helpless and vulnerable, as though I’m some sort of kicked puppy who doesn’t realise that its owner is abusive. But I’m not, right?  
Anyway, they also keep telling me that I have to stay here until I get better, until the doctors are assured that I won’t slip into the same destructive habits. It kept irritating me, that isn’t a straight answer and they know it. They all try to stay away from me, and the only time they dare approach me is to force food down my gullet.  
I realised that I have to pander to their wishes, I just can’t stand being stuck in here anymore. I’m completely locked away. Even mum stopped coming to visit, but I guess you knew that already. You still haven’t visited, and I gave up hoping that you ever will. I don’t know whether to hate you, or to be thankful that you don’t have to see your elder brother, the one who’s supposed to be stronger for you, so completely weak and monopolised.   
Love you Lils,  
Elijah.


	8. Chapter 8

I’m so sorry Lily,  
I assumed the worst, I believed that you of all people could do that. But I know you wouldn’t. You’re the most optimistic, hopeful person I know, and yet I said (well, wrote and thought) all those horrible things to and about you.  
Granted, they weren’t as bad as what I’ve got from those morons at school, but you’re my sister, and even though you’re more important to me than anyone else, I still allowed my anger to take a hold of me and to manifest as aggression towards you.  
I should have known that mum wouldn’t tell you the truth, and wouldn’t let dad either, although I think I’m glad for their possessiveness over you this time. I don’t want you to know about how weak and miserable your brother is. I hope you’re imagining this “camp” I’m at as something out of your wildest dreams, you always did love the wilderness. Imagine something that makes you happy when you think about it, rather than this cold, depressing and sterile rehab that I’m actually in.  
I’m glad that I never had the guts to ask someone to give these to you, I’m glad that they’re just accumulating in my dingy little drawer of possessions. I’m glad that you seem to be happy, I’m just sad that I can’t be a contributing factor to that.  
I miss you, sis.  
Lots of love,  
Elijah.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Lily,  
You’re the only one who ever understood me sometimes, so I beg you to listen to me once more. I think it’s about time I get some things off my chest.  
I could never tell anyone, but I hate school. Yes, it’s blasphemous I know, especially considering what our parents expect of us. You’re doing amazingly even though you’re only in Year 6, and here I am like a buffoon struggling with “basic” concepts like long division in maths. But it’s never been easy for me, in fact it’s always been exactly the opposite. I loathe going to each and every class, I loathe having to even turn up to spend a whole day of torture in that prison five days a week. I loathe having to walk down the corridors, fearing where the next tyrant would pop out to terrorise me. I loathe having to clutch all my files close to my chest, scurry across any sort of passageway, and do my best to get away without being detected on the radar, but of course I was never that lucky or stealthy.  
Do you remember the boys I used to play with when I was younger? I doubt it, I think you were too small then, but John, Xavier and Charlie used to come knocking at our door every day without fail, begging mum to let me out so I could go and play footie with them.  
It’s funny, actually, how times change because as soon as we hit high school all that stopped. In fact, things completely turned around because I was still scrawny, gangly and lanky at that stage so I didn’t fit in as a proper “lad”, but the others were perfectly fine. They’d grown into their bodies, visibly developing muscle and getting embarrassed (supposedly, though I think it was more pride that made them flush bright red) whenever their voices suddenly cracked in the middle of a sentence or word.  
I never fit in, Lils, so all I could do was try my best to be a “part of the group”. I started controlling my food, only eating proteins where possible and avoiding as many carbs as I could. I exercised increasingly, becoming fanatic about it and going to the gym twice a day at least, walking the three and a half miles there when our parents couldn’t drop me off.  
I controlled my food more, reducing my intake so that none of it could be converted to fat and I became completely consumed by this obsession with becoming “fit”, but how can you define such a subjective goal? I just kept going, forcing myself to heave up anything I ate because I was paranoid that it would jeopardise my ‘fitness routine’, and that was where you caught me.  
I can see now that our parents were genuinely worried about me, even before you went running to them after catching me in that horrible moment. They’d seen me becoming fanatic, no, downright obsessive about my body and were alarmed by the way all the meat seemed to drop off my bones. They didn’t know about the years of bullying, all they saw was their son, two years from becoming an adult legally, slowly killing himself without realising it. I think I remember them trying to talk to me about it, but the only thing I can accurately recall is this haze of resolve to do something I thought would make me better. I remember the suspicion I felt when they took me to an appointment with the doctor the first time, and how that slowly morphed into anger and outrage as they insisted that I needed to change my lifestyle, to lead a healthier lifestyle. All I could respond with in those rare moments where I was lucid and somewhat civil was “aren’t I already healthy? I’m trying to get healthier, fitter, but you’re the ones not letting me!”


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Lily,

It’s been a fair few months, but I’ve finally been released from the hospital. I managed to prove to the doctors that I genuinely do want to try harder, to actually get better rather than to give into the temptations I succumbed to the first time. I’m determined not to relapse, Lily. I want to try so much harder to be a good son who doesn’t make their parents worry, and I want to be rid of this guilt that I feel whenever I look at you, let alone hug you for the nth time in the few days I’ve been “back from camp”.

It’s only been a few days since I got home, but I’m already having to prepare myself for going back to school from tomorrow. It’s a new week, and hopefully I can use this as a new start. A chance to build everything back up brick by brick, rather than giving in to the pressures I’ll inevitably face in the form of the ghouls that used to regularly haunt me.

Wish me luck,

Elijah.


	11. Chapter 11

Lily,

I’m sorry.

I can’t take it any more, I thought I was strong enough to deal with going back to the same school, to deal with facing the same demons that broke me the first time.

But no, I just can’t take it any more. 


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Elijah,

It’ll be five years today since the day we lost you. I never knew for certain until I found out you were hospitalised that last time, and that it was too late to save you, but I always had my suspicions. I should have known, what kind of sister am I to miss the clear signs? I’d always see the friction between my friends and their older siblings, but I always prided myself on having a tight bond with you and being able to have the confidence to tell you anything and that you’d do the same with me. Yet I failed to see that my own brother was going through hell. That I could have helped you, to make sure you knew that you were never alone and unloved. Because I always loved you, Eli, and I still do.

Why did it have to be you of all people?

I miss you and I just wish you’d come back,

Lily.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it starts off really short, but hang in there with me. Please?


End file.
